I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
