I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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