Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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