i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
