Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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