Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I have surprise drugs for everyone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
