dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
