I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
