Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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