Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dick very happy bro
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
