People in love make me want to vomit
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
wow bdsm is so cute
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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