drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
