I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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