If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
