on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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