i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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