Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
