After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
