why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
