Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
you win again, gameday.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
