What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
two words...techno handjob
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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