ugly people sure do ruin things
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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