cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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