oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
