dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
