Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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