i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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