New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
