I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
