"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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