remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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