Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
