You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
