Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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