I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i barfeds in our rink
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
