i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He did a backflip because drugs
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
