Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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