I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
