My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
