we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
