God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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