True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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