ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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