she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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