CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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