Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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