Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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