I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
