I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
