I am puke
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i think i just lost a toe
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
