Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
