You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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