After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
